I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
