everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
