I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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