Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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