haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
