this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
