nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
