So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
