He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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