Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
