NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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