Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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