1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
