ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
