Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
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Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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