Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
