I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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