I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
