She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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