Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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