It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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