I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
