ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
