it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
