ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
