I feel like I'm in dance class right now
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
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Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
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I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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