If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This is my gift to your gina
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
