the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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