How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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