I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
