I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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