The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
