Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
