Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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