It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
