Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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