If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
