that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
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Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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