the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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