hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
