the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
