My cat gives me a boner
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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