you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
