why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
