This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will pee on everything he values.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
