I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
