actually, I'm a sock model
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
