my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
