in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
