erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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