I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
