i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
