you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
