I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
