One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
