If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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