Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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