i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
