my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
