I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
