Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
