so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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