He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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