eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
