your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
