The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
