You don't have asthma, your pregnant
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
