I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
