i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
