so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize